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Teen Suicidal Thoughts
Question: We recently received a phone call from a mom of one of my son's friends. She was concerned about text messages my son was sending to her daughter saying he would like her to be more than a friend, but she doesn't want that. In the texts, he mentions that he wonders what it would be like to lay on his bed and put a gun in his mouth, along with other texts similar to this. He started sending these a couple of days ago. We haven't noticed any changes in behavior or any drop in activities or grades. How do we discuss these text messages with him? He has always kept things to himself, but we can usually tell when something is bothering him. But these text messages are a shock and we want to make sure we approach it the right manner.
Posted By: Ann, Marysville Answer: I expect you got quite a shock when your son’s friend’s mom called about these text messages, but how lucky you are that she let you know so you can do something about it. Although he may be angry at his friend for showing the texts to her mother (I am assuming this although the mom may have just been snooping), most teens who are having suicidal thoughts indicate warning signs mostly to a peer, rarely to a parent. From the content of these texts it sounds like your son is thinking of possibly harming himself.
I suggest you be very up front with your son and let him know that his friend’s mom called as she was very concerned about the suicidal text. Ask him directly, in an empathic way, is he thinking of hurting himself. Most teens are relieved if they are having suicidal thoughts if someone asks them directly. You will not be putting the idea into his head. The fact that he has written about putting a gun in his mouth is very serious. I would suggest that you have your son evaluated by a professional to assess the extent of his suicidal thinking. It is possible that he is depressed if the girl he likes is not reciprocating his feelings and this could be triggering the suicidal thoughts.
He may get angry at the friend and her mother for sharing the text message but that is OK. It is better that he be angry and lose the girl as a friend than be dead. Please do not delay in speaking with your son about this and getting him professional help. Very often teens shield parents from their darkest and gloomiest thoughts but generally are relieved when they are brought to light and they can get the help they need.
If you want to know more about the warning signs of teenage depression and suicide go to www.teenlineonline.org. It is not uncommon for teens to begin to feel hopeless when a love interest does not work out. What is important is that they feel understood, not criticized for their feelings. Please do not ignore these text messages. Although he may be using these text messages as a means to keeping this girl connected to him, the content of the texts must be taken seriously. Again, please do not delay.
Elaine Leader, Ph.D.
Dr. Leader is the Executive Director of TEEN LINE. Please read Signs and Symptoms of Suicide, written by Dr. Leader, on our website.
Expert: Elaine Leader, Ph.D.
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